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Zeke Dooley and the Inedible Deer

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Published on: Nov. 1, 1997

and it had the skinniest lags I ever seen only on a giraffe and wouldn't have weighed a hundred pound. I says, "Buford, you've done nature a good turn here and startled this relic to death. Go fetch a shovel and we'll give him a decent burial." But you know what that boy wanted to do? He wanted to check him and take the deceased home to eat.

PERLETTA: Well it was his first deer, Ezekial. He was proud of it. Don't tell me you aint never been proud.

ZEKE: Yes Ma'am. I'd be proud to dig up a mummy, if that was what I had set in to do, but I sure wouldn't haul him in to no deer checking station. Besides, Buford hadn't even shot that deer!

MITCH: C'mon Zeke, are you sure about that?

ZEKE: I could have give one of these here corner's reports on the critter. Hit'd been shot upwards of a hundred times but nary one more recent than the Civil War, fur's I could tell. That shotgun of Buford's jist startled him so bad he had a heart struggle and keeled over like a old man at a parade. But well then, anyway, I says to Buford, "If you aim to check this deer we'd best to dress it out here, so's at least it'll have a honest wound of some kind," and he done it and taken it in and checked it. Buford he told me that them checkers was shore a grim lookin bunch, and I expect they was all so well tickled they had to be. Now you tell him, Perletta, what that fool boy done next.

PERLETTA: Well, I felt sorry fer Buford. My sister Pearl, she wouldn't have nothing to do with anything as ornery lookin as that old deer. She said it looked like hit'd starved in the woods and petrified. So he come and asked me would I work it up to where they could use on it. So we hung it and Ezekial hepped me to skin the thing, and my land! I couldn't believe the racket of shot fallin out of that hide. Sounded like hail on the outhouse roof.

ZEKE: We skun it out over a tub, ye see, and best I kin remember, they was ought-buck and double ought and b-bs and I don't know how many .22s and a half dozen

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