Outdoor Tattler

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Published on: Apr. 2, 1996

Last revision: Oct. 21, 2010

Big Game Hunting Club. This organization of ardent outsdoorsfolk have one simple rule for hunting: nothing goes.

That means no rifles, shotguns, bows, spears, slingshots, rope, rocks or tree branches.

Ultra primitive club members believe that since other creatures - predators or prey - don't use tools, neither should human hunters.

"We're already pretty formidable animals," club president Erron Minks said. "We have fists for clubs, fingernails for gripping, teeth for rending. What do we need weapons for?"

Members practice wrestling each other in anticipation of encounters with wildlife.

Has any member actually taken any big game by hand? "Not yet," Minks said, "but each one is vying to be first."

Tattler Expose: Canoe Jams Resulted in Dams

Archaeologists poking beneath major dams in the state have put forth the startling hypothesis that Truman Lake, Lake of the Ozarks and several other major Missouri reservoirs are the direct result of huge tangles of canoes.

Exploratory probes into the bottoms of these dams yielded aluminum, fiberglass, kapok, birch wood, picnic baskets, coolers, squirt guns and other materials and paraphernalia associated with floating.

They speculated the dams were created after large numbers of canoes created monumental jams on the rivers that were impossible to break or blast apart.

"Since the canoes had already clogged the river and drowned out the river corridor landowners," Chief Archeologist Densin Omai said, "the people figured they might as well pile on a little more dirt and concrete to make a proper dam."

The jams likely formed after a few dawdling canoeists plowed into a sweeper. Their canoe blocked others, and thousands more piled behind.

"Once it starts, it doesn't stop; it's like a chain reaction accident," Omai said.

Canoe drivers used to work the busiest rivers. Laboring with peaveys and pike poles, they kept the canoes from hanging up in eddies and ramming the banks. When a jam occurred, they hopped from vessel to vessel, searching for the key canoe, that would dislodge the whole jam. Sometimes, they had to resort to dynamite.

Apparently, the canoe jams that resisted their efforts were made into dams.

Given the present canoe traffic conditions on the Current, Meramec, Eleven Point and other rivers, it's only a matter of time until those waters are also dammed, Omai speculated.

Woman Tills Tomato Patch With Outboard Motor

Betty Fistdiddy from Palmyra revs up her 6-horse outboard every spring. No, she's not motoring out on Mark Twain to catch crappies, she's preparing a backyard plot to grow tomatoes.

"That darn tiller

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