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Outdoor Tattler

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Published on: Apr. 2, 1996

Last revision: Oct. 21, 2010

The only family tabloid to offer sensational, speculative, sleazy, sometimes true "inside" dirt from the outdoors.

Feral Hikers getting Wilder

Hikers who have reverted to a wild state are putting extra burdens on state lands, forest managers say.

Feral hikers have long been a problem in Missouri, but their numbers are increasing as more and more people go into the woods without a compass, become hopelessly lost and are forced to adapt to forest living.

Attempts to eradicate the hikers have failed, largely due to their mobility and savviness. "They garland our snares with wildflowers," a researcher said.

More lethal methods of control have been opposed by sympathizers, who insist the feral hikers have become an essential component of Missouri forests.

"I like knowing wild things still exist in today's world," said a Moberly native.

Forest managers claim the feral hikers present a control problem. "We already know that they are reproducing out there, and it's possible they could hybridize with other species," a biologist said.

"And feral hikers walk full time, using up the environment day after day. Compare that to the normal recreationist, who only gets out on the odd weekend. That's disproportionate use."

"We just want to monitor this group," he said, "and, if possible, tax them."

Fish Can Blink!

Fish normally maintain an icy stare, but our alert cameraman caught a bluegill napping. Another fishing exclusive brought to you by the crack Outdoor Tattler news team.

Hunter Eats Tofu - LATER Claims it was Deer Tallow!

Tattler Exclusive: Bedrest, TV Mend Desperate Anglers

Depressed, obsessed, fixated and neurotic anglers should receive intensive home therapy, including plenty of bed rest and TV watching, instead of being institutionalized, according to a new treatment plan recently announced by the American Psychiatric Association.

Anglers are prone to mental irregularities due to the nature of their sport. They frequently go into a funk after losing record fish at the boat and many of them have to be restrained and sedated after repeatedly hanging expensive lures in underwater snags.

The new policy will open exit doors of hospitals and rest homes for anglers who had been forcibly confined for treatment.

Critics charge the doctors with conspiring to "cleanse" the nation's mental health institutions of the odors of ground salamander, dead nightcrawlers and other smells commonly associated with fishermen. They also fear a glut of psychological problems will surface at state lakes, streams and recreation areas.

Predator Club Shuns Rifles: Handhunting Best, They Say

Don't talk calibers to members of the Primitive Predators

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